Cindy Beall Answers: How Long Will It Hurt [After Adultery or Porn]?

How Long Will It Hurt?
I get asked that question on a regular basis.

Two weeks.
Six months.
Five years.
Not sure.

Another question I’m often asked is, “How do you get through the pain?”

Cry it out.
Yell and scream.
Act like it’s not there.
Not sure. 

These questions always come from hurting wives after they have found out of their husband’s betrayal (or hurting husbands after a wife’s betrayal). Whether it’s an addiction to pornography or a full-on physical affair, the pain is still real in both cases.

None of the answers above are right or wrong or accurate. For some people healing is faster than it is for others. Pain is no respecter of persons. You can’t buy your way out of pain and you can’t “be positive” and expect it to go away. From my personal experience, the only way to stop hurting is to walk through the mire and deal with it. Anything else will cause you to be cemented in a pit of pain and discomfort for a lifetime.

The length of the pain varies from person to person and depends upon just how willing the person is to deal with the pain versus ignoring it. But that’s not all of it. Pain will never go away and a heart will not heal without the supernatural touch of God.

It’s often said that “time heals all wounds”. I see why people say that and to a certain extent the cliche is true. However, I would change it to “God heals all wounds in time.” I do believe that time is a big factor in the healing process but a heart will not experience true healing void of the power of God.

Allow God’s truth to seep into your wounded heart:

  1. For with God nothing will be impossible.” (Luke 1:37)
  2. But He said, “The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.” (Luke 18:27)
  3. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us.” (Ephesians 3:20)

It really stinks to hurt. There isn’t anything fun or enjoyable about it. But it’s part of life and the sooner we can accept that, the sooner we will be able to experience the power of our healing God.

Day by day. Week by week. Month by month. Year by year.

Don’t lose hope.


This post was re-published here, with permission.  It appears in its original form at www.cindybeall.com (click here).

CC-300x209Cindy Beall is a writer, speaker and mentor to women. She and her husband, Chris, speak openly about their difficult journey through Chris’ infidelity and pornography addiction that nearly destroyed their marriage and ministry. Through God’s grace they have inspired thousands of people and have returned to full-time ministry where Chris serves as the Oklahoma City Campus Pastor at LifeChurch.tv. Her first book, Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken, released on August 1, 2011, with Harvest House Publishers (click here to learn more).

WATCH — Cindy & her husband Chris share what helped their marriage survive adultery: